video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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