this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize