Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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