My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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