a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
