Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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