That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
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We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize