The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
