you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
