You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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