I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
