I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize