I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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