please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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