Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
