remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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