Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed