Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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  (508): He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think. http://tfl.nu/5bqt
  Replies (36) Good night (6406) Bad night (620)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.

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  (610): Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man. http://tfl.nu/0eqn
  Replies (9) Good night (2439) Bad night (1086)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.

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  (850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November. http://tfl.nu/riz6
  Replies (90) Good night (1007) Bad night (5890)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.

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  (502): She never called back. Financed a fleshlight. http://tfl.nu/uvos
  Replies (13) Good night (807) Bad night (3333)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.

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  (484): They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again. http://tfl.nu/d9r7
  Replies (10) Good night (1293) Bad night (4215)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever

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  (305): The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/qxjf
  Replies (17) Good night (4302) Bad night (1448)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos

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  (516): I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos http://tfl.nu/9ruo
  Replies (9) Good night (2728) Bad night (934)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

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  (830): Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester http://tfl.nu/187b
  Replies (5) Good night (2058) Bad night (961)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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  (609): why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs? http://tfl.nu/z5vs
  Replies (19) Good night (590) Bad night (1826)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

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  (847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light. http://tfl.nu/vezf
  Replies (5) Good night (2766) Bad night (712)
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  (562): View more from California

  WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?

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  (562): WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution? http://tfl.nu/1mlt
  Replies (57) Good night (946) Bad night (2434)
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  (949): View more from California

  Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.

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  (949): Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza. http://tfl.nu/9evg
  Replies (8) Good night (733) Bad night (473)
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  (310): View more from California

  Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.

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  (310): Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure. http://tfl.nu/ptmp
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (352)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too

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  (205): You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too http://tfl.nu/0dl3
  Replies (5) Good night (620) Bad night (321)
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  (925): View more from California

  Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.

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  (925): Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties. http://tfl.nu/9kne
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (954)

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