I don't usually arrange sex via text message
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.