i think my mom watched the whole time
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?