for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out