Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
