she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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