i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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