I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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