so that wasnt chicken after all
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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