either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
