Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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