where am i from again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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