My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
