bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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