All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your penis caused this!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
