you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
