Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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