I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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