Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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