Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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