Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
