watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
