We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
