i was born a porn star she said
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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