so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize