Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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