I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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