you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
