before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
