I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
