There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
