I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
