you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
