Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
