real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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