even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
