Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
