No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
