I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
