You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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