I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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