His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
