i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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