I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
