why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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